I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
