Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
