Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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