like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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