I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
