i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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