How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
