Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
