I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
