we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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