I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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