Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Randomize
