I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
