This is not my ceiling
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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