Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
