Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this just has baby written all over it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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