like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
