Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
