capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
