I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
