Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
