All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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