She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
