Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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