i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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