Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
