Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
