All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They took my balls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
