Kiss
Puke
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
