she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just googled if crying burns calories
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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