need another drink. this is the easiest way
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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