Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
