jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
