he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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