He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
