Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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