At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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