We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
