I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
