Everything about him screamed your future.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
