she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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