she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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