I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
