he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
