lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
