ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
