mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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