I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
