Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
