Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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